


Somethings Gotta Give

by Darthnikki



Series: Somethings Gotta Give [2]
Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 11:49:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darthnikki/pseuds/Darthnikki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam knows he’s changed since Dean came back from hell. He knows that Dean can sense something is different about him, but Deans different to. He’s drinking more than he ever did, has nightmares when he does sleep, and that’s the other thing Deans hardly sleeping now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somethings Gotta Give

Sam knows he’s changed since Dean came back from hell. He knows that Dean can sense something is different about him, but Deans different to. He’s drinking more than he ever did, has nightmares when he does sleep, and that’s the other thing Deans hardly sleeping now.

He rests, closes his eyes, but once his breathing evens out, he becomes restless, and it’s obvious he’s reliving his time in hell. But he won’t talk about it, refuses to, and says he doesn’t remember his time there. And Sam, Sam is getting tired of his lies. Of course he knows he’s being a hypocrite, knows that he should tell Dean what he’s really been up to, that Ruby is still alive and that Sams been meeting her. But that isn’t the point. What Sams doing is to help people, to save the world, to get revenge. He isn’t hurting himself by lying to his brother. Besides, Dean would never understand.

But when he’s faced with his brother at the warehouse where he and Ruby had just exorcised a demon, his eyes hurt, betrayed, Sam feels guilty. That is until Dean lashes out at Ruby, pins the demon to the wall snarling at her. Sam moves quickly, prying Dean away and shoving him. He stands firmly in front of the demon, she’s helping him after all he has to protect her; Dean has to understand that. But Dean doesn’t understand. All Dean see’s when he looks at Ruby is demon.

Of course she isn’t helping matters right now, hissing threats at him while she rubs her abused throat, Dean smirks, pulls himself to his full height, and sneers at her,  
“Do your worst bitch!” and for once, she does what Dean asks. She mutters something in a language that Sam is sure died when the dove flew from Noah’s ark to find land. Then she throws her hand out, palm facing Dean, energy fills the room, it’s crackling and intense. Deans eyes are wide, and he isn’t moving, isn’t trying to get away, it’s in that moment that Sam realises that he can’t move either, can’t shout out any commends, or plead his brothers case. There’s a blinding white light that reminds Sam way too much of when he lost Dean after the hell hounds came. 

Someone’s screaming Deans name, Sam realises that it’s him, and that he can move now. Ruby is slumped on the floor panting like she just run 50 miles without stopping, her face streaked with sweat and her small frame trembling, he gives her a fleeting glance before the spots clear from his eyes, and he looks to where his brother was stood only a moment ago. But Dean isn’t stood there now, at least not the 29 year old he should be. Instead there’s a two maybe three year old blinking up at him with wide frightened eyes, the Jacket Dean was wearing is pooled on the floor as are the jeans he was wearing, the only thing that he still has on is the shirt and undershirt he had on that morning, but he’s swimming in them. His lower lip is wobbling, and his eyes are brimming with tears,  
“Dean?’’ he whispers, Dean starts to cry then, he tries to move backwards, but the large boots his little feet are in make him stumble and fall over, banging his head hard on the concrete floor, the sounds reverberates through the room, and it sets Dean off wailing at the pain in his head and the fear at being in a room with strangers.

Sam doesn’t think, he rushes to his brothers’ side and scoops the distressed child into his arms, making hushing noises to comfort him. But Deans scared and struggles in his brothers arms,  
“Dean!” he yells sharply, it stops the boys’ struggles, and he turns those large green watering eyes on the man who has hold of him “It’s okay Dean, it’s okay, I’m a friend I’m not going to hurt you, do you understand?’’ the little boy nods his blonde head, hair falling into his eyes, so long it’s actually the same length as Sams is. He smiles gently at the boy trembling in his arms, Dean reaches up to touch his face, Sam doesn’t move, even when small fingers poke into his dimples, he smiles more and Dean looks up at him silently,  
“It’s gonna be okay Dean, do you know who I am?’’ he’s still talking gently, so as not to frighten the boy in his arms, Dean shakes his head in the negative,  
“He won’t know who you are’’ Rubys voice is strained, she’s still trembling on the floor, like whatever she did to Dean has totally drained her, Sam ignored her, and picked up his brothers jacket, ring and other belongings from the floor, the keys to the impala are in the leather jacket that has been a part of Dean since he was 15 and John gave it to him because Dean had needed a new coat and John couldn’t afford to buy him one.

He wraps it around Dean now like a blanket shielding him from the cold night air, Dean fists his shirt and cuddles closer to him, Sam places him gently on the back seat,  
“You wait here okay, I’ll be back soon, I just need to go talk to Ruby’’ Deans grips his shirt tighter, and shakes his head, Sam brushes his blonde hair off his face and rubs a thumb over a baby soft cheek,  
“Hey, I’m coming back okay, I promise’’ Deans watching him, looking deep into his eyes, he holds the assessing gaze thinking that this is important somehow, whatever Dean see’s in the depths he must pass, because he lets go of the shirt and huddles into the warm jacket,  
“I’ll be right back, then how about some dinner? MacDonald’s?’’ the little boy nods morosely, no hint of excitement at getting to go to the restaurant that has most children jumping around like Tigger on crack. Sam strokes his hand through silky golden locks,  
“I’ll be right back’’ he whispers, before closing the door gently and going back inside to talk to Ruby, he wants to know just what the fuck is going on.

 

Rubys back on her feet when he gets back inside, her face pale and eyes as black as night, she gives him a shaky smile that he doesn’t return, this seems to puzzle her, and she tips her head to the side, a concerned expression on her face,  
“What’s wrong Sam?’’ he laughs, it’s far from funny, but the fact that she can’t seem to understand why the hell he’d be upset strikes him as funny. Not funny in the ‘Oh my God my sides are gonna split from laughing’ funny, but the funny in which if you don’t laugh, you’re going to either cry or kill someone. Right now homicide is looking far too attractive,  
“What the fuck do you think is wrong? You turned my brother into a kid!! A fucking kid! Like I don’t have enough on my plate right now. Can you turn him back?’’  
“I’m too drained, it’d kill me’’ she turns beguiling eyes to him, and stares when Sams expression remains hard, “Sam, do you understand what I just said? It’ll kill me!’’  
“Am I supposed to be unhappy about that?’’  
“And if I’m dead, who’s going to train you? Your brother? You think he can help you defeat Lilith?’’  
“So I’m supposed to leave him as a kid? What the hell am I supposed to do with him now?’’ he runs his fingers through his hair, his exasperation making him shake, she rests a small tentative hand on his shoulder,  
“No’’ Ruby says softly “We drop him off at an orphanage, give him the chance to grow up without ever knowing about monsters, don’t you want him to be happy Sam? Hasn’t he suffered enough for one life time?’’ he turns tortured eyes to her “Doesn’t he deserve normal? After everything he’s been through?’’

 

Sam closes his eyes and breaths slowly through his nose, willing his emotions back into a semblance of order, he pictures little Dean, with a mom and a dad, a dog, his own room, with rockets on the wall and cartoon aliens on his bed spread. He looks happy, content. But the thing about Sam is, he’s selfish, always has been when it came to his big brother, and Dean is his as much as he’s Dean. He can’t give him up, can’t abandon the only family that ever cared about him. That taught him to read and write; to count. That told him stories when he was afraid, that comforted him when he cried. That held him. Dean was and is everything to Sam. He’s a father, a mother, a brother and a best friend. To give that up would be like taking off his right arm; he can’t do it and live, not properly. Rubys trying to give him a compassionate look when he opens his eyes again,  
“You won’t do it then?’’ he asks quietly, she shakes her head, a look of sadness crossing her face,  
“I can’t do it. It took alot of power to do that, and to be honest I don’t even know how I did it. I’m sorry Sam’’ when Sam slides her knife into her stomach he decides that she doesn’t look very sorry at all,  
“Then you’re no use to me, I’d never really choose you over my brother, never’’ he whispers into her hair. He pushes her to the floor and wipes her knife on her jeans. It’s his knife now, and he’ll use it to protect the small bundle that’s waiting on him in the back seat of the only home that either of them has ever really known.


End file.
